


for life

by ifntae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, it's not really a HAPPY ending but it's an ending, my last angst thing for a while i hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 12:44:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9272333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifntae/pseuds/ifntae
Summary: johnny shares with ten one last road trip





	

**Author's Note:**

> this wasn't based on exo's for life but imo the song fits well so i kind of added it towards the end?  
> i dont even know what i wrote (sorry for possible typos!)

"shut up, shut up, shut up!" johnny screams, shoving the phone away from his ear, and after two or three anxious groans, he throws it away.  
  
he listens to the phone breaking around the grass, but he doesn't see it. he's already turning around, going back to the car.  he gets in as furious as he threw the phone, and closes the door with as much force too. he hits the wheel a few times, groaning in pain, emotional pain.  
  
a few tears fall from his eyes in the process, and he finds some comfort over the wheel, which did nothing wrong and is receiving everything at once.  
  
he sobs, hard.  
  
his hair is wet due to the rain outside, and his sobs acclimate them pretty good. after a while, when he cried everything and there's only the sniffing from his nose, he wonders how much of a movie scene this must look like.  
  
he looks at the car board a few minutes, thinking and processing a lot of things to mention any. he notices the car has a full tank. he turns it on.  
  
"where are we going?" ten asks. he's sitting besides him, hugging his legs with his arms, and johnny doesn't acknowledges him until now.  
  
johnny stares at ten a few seconds while the engine was getting hot, and replies "anywhere" before getting on the highway.  
  
the way to 'anywhere' is quiet, at first. ten stares at the raindrops that linger on his window, and smiles. johnny tries to not look back too much, since he's the one driving, but his eyes keep looking back at him.  
  
"ugh, i'm done" johnny scoffs, and ten turns around, confused.  
  
johnny takes ten from the shoulder and shoves him to his side, hugging him with one arm and keeping the other one in the wheel. ten smiles, softly kissing johnny's arm that's trapping him around his chest. he raises his arm a few minutes later, and johnny is suddenly scared ten wants to get out of his embrace, but he just turns on the radio.  
  
there's a girlgroup song playing, one that ten has heard too much and hence, johnny has too. ten has told him a few times the name of the song, but he can't quite remember it, all he remembers is ten humming it sometimes at night. the song ends, and ten turns it off, trying to linger the song a little bit more with his own voice. johnny loves it, so he tries to follow, even if he messes up, and he knows ten doesn't mind.  
  
"i'm hungry" ten complains, "and i want to pee too"  
  
johnny laughs, trying to look for a diner on the road, and he finds one, fifteen minutes later. ten runs as soon as johnny parks the car, making the older chuckle on the sight. it's getting dark, and the rain is now soft. so soft johnny can't quite feel it, but the rain is there, leaving little drops on his jacket.  
  
he goes inside the diner, slowly. sitting near a window, he chuckles, he knows ten would like to see outside, the cars passing by. a waiter approaches, and she's ready to throw a flirt along with the menu until johnny cuts her off, "oh, i came here with someone" and she ends up scoffing, giving two menus instead of one.  
  
she turns around to leave, but is suddenly stopped, as johnny takes her wrist before she leaves, and this takes her off-guard. she has a few seconds to day dream about this handsome costumer saying something romantic, maybe that the other person was only a friend, but instead, johnny tells her his order, along with ten's.  
  
johnny knew what both of them wanted. he just needed to see the menu, recognize the food and have the green light to ask in name of ten too.  
  
she scoffs again, writing down the order and taking away the menus, but johnny doesn't realize her mood, so he says 'thanks' and goes back to look out the window. he has too many things to think about to care about the waiter finding him handsome.  
  
ten comes a little bit later, drying his wet hands with the back of his jeans, and is about to raise his hand to catch the waiter's attention before johnny stops him.  
  
"i already ordered" johnny smiles, interlacing their hands.  
  
"ugh," ten scoffs, trying to look annoyed, "what am i eating then?"  
  
"burger" ten's stomach groans in happiness and johnny chuckles.  
  
ten smiles too.  
  
they stare out the window, loving the sound of the cars' tires over the water and a few heavy raindrops falling outside.  
  
"is this a road trip?" ten asks, "we haven't gone on a road trip in a while. i really liked it when we did."  
  
johnny stares at ten. ten to the outside. "yeah, it can be a road trip if you want to."  
  
"do you remember when we went to the countryside?" johnny nods. "i liked the daisies there. they were really pretty. i'd like to gift you some."  
  
"no rush." johnny laughs.  
  
ten looks back at johnny, and gifts him one of his killer smiles. one of those that johnny loves the most. one that reminds him to the time they were nothing but happy. they look at the road at the same time.  
  
"ugh, it's really cold here" ten complains, caressing his arm. johnny takes off his jacket and puts it on ten before the younger can complain.  
  
"i'm not cold" johnny reassures, kissing the top of ten's head before sitting down again. ten's cheeks get red, touched by his boyfriend's gesture.  
  
they stay like that, with their hands together, for a few more minutes. the diner is a little bit lonely, only with two or three other costumers apart from them. johnny is relaxed, but only for a moment, as he feels ten slipping his hand away, and looking down at his legs.  
  
"what?" johnny asks, suddenly scared.  
  
"they're staring..." ten whispers, not daring to look up.  
  
johnny looks around, angered, and spots an old couple stealing a few glances towards them, obviously disgusted, confused, and judging them. johnny feels ten reaching for his arm, but it's too late, he already got up and walked towards the couple.  
  
"do you have a fucking problem with my boyfriend?" he barks, "if so, say it right now" the woman, frightened, looks at her husband, who is completely scared too but currently looking for the courage to raise up. "can't a couple have some peace? fuck off" johnny spits on their food and turns around, grabbing ten by the arm and storming out the diner towards their car. "get on the car" johnny groans, and ten follows.  
  
johnny is about to get on his car when he gets pulled by the shirt and lands his ass on the asphalt. the used to be scared man is now kicking at johnny's ribs, obviously pissed. johnny gets up in a chance where the man catches his breath and aims a punch toward his face. it lands on the cheek, but the man responds quickly and hits johnny right on his left eye. he pushes johnny to the ground again, and the woman's screams are suddenly heard.  
  
"fucking weirdo" the man spits towards johnny, but it lands on the ground.  
  
they let johnny go (or the woman forces her husband to stop) and he gets on the car, turning it on with his trembling hands and driving onto the highway yet again.  
  
ten is inside, crying.  
  
johnny doesn't know what to say, his sight is blurry by the punch and he feels like throwing up, even though he hasn't eaten. he parks besides the road after a few minutes of driving and turns around to ten, who stopped crying but is covering his face with both hands.  
  
"i'm okay" he lies, "come here" he wraps ten inside his arm, on the side where it doesn't feel throbbing in pain by the kick, and ten sniffs.  
  
they stay like that for a bit, listening to cars passing by, and johnny checks his face on the mirror. there's going to be a nasty purple eye, but that's the least of his problems right now.  
  
"are you alright?" ten nods.  
  
"i forgot the jacket"  
  
johnny hisses, but its because ten passed an arm through johnny's torso. the younger didn't seem to notice, so johnny says nothing.  
  
"what now?" ten asks.  
  
"we'll have to find a motel, i dont think there's one far from--"  
  
"no, what i mean is... what now?" ten moves to his side and looks at johnny, who tries to turn around and hide the purple eye from him. ten moves his chin, forcing him to look at him. some tears fall down from his face, but he says nothing, admiring the older. "people don't get us... don't respect us... what's the point?"  
  
its more of a spoken thought, johnny wants to think. ten is just speaking his mind, and he'd like to have an answer to that, but he doesn't. not now when his purple eye and probably broken ribs don't let him think. he takes ten's hand, and rubs his thumb against the back of his palm.  
  
ten smiles, and johnny knows this is more than nothing.  
  
johnny gets on the high way, despite ten's complains that johnny shouldn't be driving in that state.  
  
"you can't drive" johnny mocks, and ten pouts.  
  
"i could try and you could help me, this is automatic, isn't it?" ten's hands aim to touch the gear-stick and johnny panics. he stops the younger on time, but he had to use his kicked arm, and the pain gets stronger.  
  
he tries to suppress his groans but ten notices. the younger moves backwards until his back is against the corner where the seat bell is hanging.  
  
"i'm sorry"  
  
"it's fine" johnny reassures  
  
"i'm so stupid"  
  
"no you're not"  
  
johnny doesnt like this ten. the ten that gets buried in sadness for meaningless things. he wants to see ten smiling, laughing, playing around, just like before. but he has this ten instead. and he promised to himself he'd be with the younger in the painful moments just as he's in the happy ones.  
  
johnny's hand find ten's knees, shoved against his face. he strokes it down, where both of the younger's hand lies. he wants to hug the younger, but this is as much as he can do, for now.  
  
they find a little town, and johnny parks on the drug store which lucky has a convenience store besides it. he buys the necessary supplies for his nasty eye, throbbing torso and their hungry stomachs. when he goes inside the car, ten rapidly steals the plastic bag. johnny laughs. he must be really hungry.  
  
instead, ten takes out the medicines bandages for johnny's injury.  
  
"i can do i-"  
  
"i want to do it" ten interrupts.  
  
he feeds the medicine to the older, and takes care of his wounds. johnny is perplexed, and he feels like falling in love yet again.  
  
he hisses when ten lies the ice bag against his eye, but after ten pecks his lips, all complains go down the drain.  
  
ten laughs. "it's so easy with you"  
  
johnny hisses again, but this one is fake. "i think i'll need another kiss"  
  
ten chuckles against his lips, and connects them, instantly feeling johnny's healthy hand pushing him closer by the neck.  
  
it's a deep kiss, but completely innocent. johnny doesn't move his hand to caress ten's side torso like he normally does when things are going to get heated. its probably because he's wounded, but even if he wasn't, he wouldn't do it.  
  
he loves those nights of endless sex, where ten's moans are his favorite song and he feels precious by the way ten caresses his naked back. but those are not his favorite parts. it's the quiet after making love. the seconds they stare into each others eyes and johnny's knuckles brush ten's cheek until the younger has fallen asleep and curls his body inside johnny's embrace and his head against the crook of his neck.  
  
johnny loves having ten with him. feeling the younger with him in every way it feels toxic sometimes.  
  
ten breaks the kiss, and connects their foreheads. he has his eyes closed and a vague smile drawn on his face. his stomach groans, and both laugh.  
  
the world is not perfect, and it has certainly not treat them right, which is why they enjoy this more. these simple moments that can't be taken away.  
  
johnny starts the engine again, and drives to a near motel that is just a few blocks away. ten wants to drive, but johnny manages to keep him still with a few 'shh, let me do it' and 'we're already here, stop complaining'  
  
the girl behind the counter frowns when johnny says they're two. she eyes the car where ten is waiting and the crook in her face gets deeper.  
  
"what" johnny asks rather annoyed. he suddenly feels angry again, but he limits himself to say no more. he doesn't want the girl to end up not giving them a room.  
  
"no-nothing" she hands him the keys after he's done paying for the room and writing down his information on the guest book.  
  
as soon as their door opens, ten runs to the double bed. johnny smiles.  
  
"i like the view" ten says while moving the curtains to the side.  
  
"you can't see anything, it's raining."  
  
"that's what i like"  
  
they lay on the bed after finishing their cheap meal from the convenience store and talk over everything and nothing in particular.  
  
"how's your mom?" ten asks, playing with their interlaced hands.  
  
johnny sighs. "like always" ten looks at him, waiting for him to continue "she wants me to forget about you"  
  
ten chuckles. "i was asking about her health but we can go that through that road if you want." johnny sighs again. "you should. forget about me, that is."  
  
"how can you say that?" johnny groans "i dont want to" he pulls ten by their connected hands until the younger's face has dug into his neck. "you're the only reason why i'm still alive"  
  
"that doesn't mean you should still be here with me" johnny manages to hear ten whisper against his chest. ten looks up to him, and gifts him a sad smile. "you deserve to be happy."  
  
"i'm happy." johnny complains.  
  
"you're not. you'll never be, not if you keep this up"  
  
"define this" johnny groans, moving a little to his own side to have a better look of ten's face.  
  
"remembering me. yearning for me" ten lays his hand on johnny's hair, playing with it. "you deserve better than this"  
  
"i just want you" johnny complains, and a single tear falls from his eye. ten chuckles.  
  
"i know, i know" he wipes the tear away and locks his gaze with johnny's "but i'm not for you, not anymore"  
  
johnny spends the night whispering sweet nothings into ten's ears, as if that could somehow stop what couldn't be stopped. as if those words would be enough of a spell for his happy ending, the one that he has been yearning for a while. a happy ending just with ten.  
  
"just stay with me" johnny whispers, drifting away to dreamland.  
  
it's a soft sound, but he catches it nevertheless.  
  
"i'm always with you."  
  
by the time he wakes up, the sun is already up and there's an annoying absence besides him. he panics, raising up and hissing in the process as he was supporting his body with the wrong arm.  
  
"ten?" he cries the younger's name, looking for him in the bathroom and even outside of their room.  
  
he doesn't find him.  
  
he's not really surprised, actually. but that doesn't stop him from crying against his pillow, feeling his heart sink into the same darkness it was before. he drowns his sobs against the mattress and waits for the pain to go away.  
  
it never does.  
  
but he calms down at some point. johnny doesn't know what time it is when he finally goes out, remembering that he threw his phone away the last day. he takes his time to go back to town and there's tension in the air, and it's all because of him.  
  
he hates the silence.  
  
he turns on the radio in an attempt to clear his mind. ten's favorite song plays and johnny turns it off immediately.  
  
silence is better.  
  
just when he's starting to recognize the buildings around him, his stomach groans, reminding him that he hasn't ate at all since yesterday.  
  
he couldn't care less.  
  
he stops in a flower shop, and the girl behind the counter gets a shock seeing his purple eye. johnny curses on his mind for not using his sunglasses. she ignores the eye, and gifts him a smile.  
  
"what can i help you with?" she asks politely.  
  
"i need a bouquet of flowers."  
  
"do you have a certain flower in min-"  
  
"daisies"    
  
the girl chuckles. johnny is not sure he wants to know why. she moves to where the flowers were, and johnny unconsciously follows her.  
  
"do you know what they mean?" johnny shakes his head. "they can mean a lot of things, but there's one that's my favorite." johnny keeps quiet. the girl is really talkative. "don't you wanna know?"  
  
"i guess you were going to tell me either way."  
  
the girl laughs.  
  
"true love." she takes one of the bouquet and hands it to johnny, who looks at it without much thought. "if you look carefully, you can see that each daisy is actually two daisies blended together, by the way the petals are arranged. isn't it amazing?"  
  
johnny had a different meaning for amazing, but he just nods. she's nice, and it somehow reminds him of ten. his heart falls at the thought.  
  
he leaves with the bouquet before the girl could make more conversation, scared to whatever feeling he could have being with her. scared to remember the things he misses a lot from ten.  
  
he turns off the engine when he arrives at his destination. the place where he was kicked the day before was slowly starting to ache again, and johnny ignores it.  
  
the day is sunny, unlike yesterday. there is not one single cloud in the sky and the birds are singing in the trees around. he walks over the grass, having the path memorized by now.  
  
he stops in front of a gravestone and his jaw starts to shake, endless tears falling down his cheeks.  
  
he gives a few deeps breaths and cleans his face before sitting down, caressing ten's name on it.  
  
"i brought this for you, love" he takes the dead flowers out the vase and the new ones take their place. "i finally know the meaning of them" he chuckles, but soon they turn into sobs.  
  
he wants to stop. stop feeling this bad. stop wanting to kill himself instead than feeling like this.  
  
"you need to stop visiting me, baby" he whispers after he hits his head against ten's gravestone a few times. "it's killing me"  
  
johnny feels a hand wrapping around his torso, and he doesn't need to turn around to know who it is.  
  
"i can't help it." ten whispers.

  
  
  
  
_(you can stop reading here, next part is just a better ending, for ~~me~~ those that want to feel at ease after all that angst)_

 

  
  
  
  
johnny wakes up, soaked wet with his own sweat. he pants heavily and raises up, adjusting his eyes to the darkness of the room.  
  
he's confused, and feels like he lost track on time.  
  
"johnny?" a voice from his side whispers, and johnny turns around, scared.  
  
he meets a pair of sleepy eyes, looking at him with a question mark. johnny lets go a heavy breath he didn't know he was holding.  
  
"you're sweating, what happened?" ten is about stand up when johnny stops him and brings him into a sticky hug. ten complains, and tries to get off of him, but he understand at the end.  
  
johnny needed this hug, for whatever reason.  
  
"did you have a nightmare?" ten asks, and johnny nods, letting a sloppy sob go out. ten hugs him back, making circles on johnny's back with the palm of his hand. "it's fine, i'm here"  
  
"you were dead" johnny cries. "but your ghost visited me"  
  
ten chuckles, "that sounds like something i'd do" he says, trying to calm the older. "but i'm pretty much alive, and with you. i'm not going anywhere."  
  
johnny sniffs "don't ever leave"  
  
ten breaks the hug and cleans johnny's cheeks with his thumbs. "i'll be here with you, for life"  
  
ten kisses johnny sweetly, sealing his promise with it.

**Author's Note:**

> wasn't the ending super cliché? anyways, i'll leave it like that, for the sake of me wanting to end things happily lol.


End file.
